One year ago today my Mom received her cancer diagnosis. Five months later she was gone. Five months to the day. So, today also marks 7 months since my Mom died. Where has the time gone? It just seems like last week that we were getting the news from Dr. MacNeil that would forever change our lives.
I remember so vividly sitting in the room with my Mom when the bombshell exploded. Even now a year later, all I remember are snippets of what we were being told…only 6 months live…surgery not an option…pain management only….aggressive form of cancer. The changes ahead…there would be so many…some painful, others heart wrenching, and yet I knew that God would work all things for good.
I spent my time driving into work this morning from Lynchburg to Charlottesville, thinking back over the past year and how my life changed. I’d like to believe it has been for the better. So much of what I thought was important just slipped by the wayside, as I tried to spend every minute possible with my Mom. However, there was a time several years ago that my life changed. In fact, I had a total mind and soul makeover!!!
My Scripture verse this morning came from Luke 15:7 where it says, “ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed.” That really hit me between the eyes.
Jesus would always tell those who were in sin to “go and sin no more.” He never asked them if they were sorry for what they had done or if they felt bad about their actions. He simply told them to change.
I know that I am probably like most people in that I truly feel bad for doing or saying something that I regretted or that caused trouble, for either me or others. However, the hard lesson for me to learn was that repentance is NOT just being sorrowful for getting caught. It’s experiencing so much heartache and humiliation for what we have done that we are willing to do WHATEVER it takes to change our ways and turn our lives and hearts over to God.
I was like most people in that I was unwilling to repent until I hit bottom. It doesn’t have to be that way for anyone, and it sure didn’t have to be that way for me. God sends plenty of messengers to show us a way of escape. However, most of us, my self included here BIG TIME, refuse to acknowledge that we are actually a sinner, so we never humble ourselves to a point where we are repentant.
I had my “turning” day though, and when that day came…well, there just hasn’t been anything ever like it before in my life! (Obviously!) There are some who call this turning day the day of salvation and others have told me that they had a dramatic conversion, or finally “saw the Light”, while others refer to this special time as their spiritual rebirth. Whatever one chooses to call it, being truly repentant and acknowledging that I was a sinner who needed forgiveness left me with a new heart and a changed life!
Being a Christian is a way of life. Not a life of perfection, or standing in judgment of others, but a life with a new heart. Jonathan Edwards said that this is real or true Christianity. He believed that a Christian’s life must be marked by a change in character AND action to be real.
My heart was forever changed when I became a Christian 11 years ago and it was again changed one year ago when I knew that my Mom’s days were numbered. If one good thing came from my Mom’s battle with cancer it was focus….For perhaps the first time in my life I was able to truly focus on what has mattered most of all along. Trusting in God’s perfect will for ALL things, and loving, TRULY loving through my actions, those who mean the most to me.
I miss my Mom every day. I always will. Our separation is not for long, because I have that promise of seeing her again in heaven. You see, my Mom had a “turning day” too!!! So today I am choosing to celebrate changing lives…and the best change of all is TURNING IT AROUND to God.
