It's really okay to be joyful. Gleeful.
Really. It's alright.
It's. All. Right. Because when we enter into the glee of things - we enter into gratefulness.
Lately, the Lord has been whispering to me...... "Enjoy Me."
He knows that I don't. And He knows why. It's not that I don't love Him. I do. More than anything or anyone. But it's because my heart is so heavy.
It's the being aware of the sick and the starving and the stricken. It's the waking up to a world with woes. To a world with despair and dilapidation. It's knowing that pictures on calenders are only a portion of the earth's portraits. The others? We couldn't stand to stare at the site of them. While they may not don our walls - they do dot the earth....snapshots of need and pain and torment....they are real. It’s on the TV and in the newspapers. It’s in my small city of Lynchburg.
Hence - the hesitancy to know joy.
But, lately, He's been busting this up for me.
I have been going through my Mom’s house…trying to sort out what to keep, what to give away. And I found her measuring spoons…the very ones that she used when she made cookies with me and my brother, and then years later, with my two sons. I remember how giddy with delight they were as their young hands clinch mixing spoons - all ready to stir icing. And the laughter and the squeals as they dove into those bowls of goodness and they enjoyed every lick. Looking back, I can remember the sticky fingers and the smiles on their faces as they proudly displayed the cupcakes they had so masterfully frosted and decorated! And so the memories from those times past brings joy -and yes - it leads to gratefulness.
And just as I attempt to stop myself - just as I begin putting up the walls to joy because I know others on earth will never have icing cross their lips - and I know other women will never have children graze in their kitchens (though they so long for it) - and I know that despair would love to have some part in my own future (oh, the what ifs).....just as I start to extinguish the fire of joy - the one I wed walks in.
And he sees me staring at the silver measuring spoons in my hand, tears running down my face and he understands without me saying a word that I have been reminiscing about times shared with my Mom. And not just my Mom….but my sons, the joys of my heart. They are both grown, out of college, have good careers and are doing just fine without me. But how I love to relive those moments and those blessings!!!
Enjoy the blessings. Look for the blessings. Take note of them. Let them bring laughter. Let them bring joy right in. The simple ones...like little boys in Nana’s kitchen having the chance to eat icing. And serious ones....sacred ones....like the joy of knowing Christ. Really knowing Him....it should bring joy! It should bring celebration! Yes!
"Is there a greater way to love the Giver than to delight wildly in His gifts?" - Ann Voskamp in One Thousand Gifts
I'm so bad at this. I still don't know what it should look like exactly. And I still find myself feeling guilty for having...just having. But I do know He has been whispering it....and I do know He wants me to be grateful, exuberant....inextinguishable - over what He's done for me. Not just materially, but spiritually.
And so yes....I will enter into glee. And He will enter into me and into the moments. And gratefulness will abound. Immeasureable gratefulness!!!
